Saturday, April 25, 2009

IIHF Tourney Info

USA just got by Latvia 4-2. Esche was the best we could do? Yikes. 

One down, two to go.


Go Kovy.

Friday, April 24, 2009


Just so you don't loose respect for me 'cause I jumped the shark by using the same bit two days in a row, here's some rambling crap dredged from the recesses of my brain.

Who I'd Be If I Had Any Actual Hockey Knowledge: Down Goes Brown. To read him is to love him.

From The "Why Don't You Give Me A Nice Papercut & Pour Lemon Juice On It" Dept:


GMwatch '09:
John Manasso over at the Atlanta Business Chronicle (or, the ABC as the hipsters in L5P call it) has an interesting thought of John Risebrough and the Atlanta GM job. He makes fantastic points about Risebrough's success in MIN, and his ability to work with limited resources. This got me thinking about other possibilities:

Warning: what follows is pure speculation and may or may not have anything at all to do with acutal hockey knowledge.
You've been warned.

Risebrough: The question raised by Manasso is a vaild one: Who is responsible for the Wild's defense-first strategy, Risebrough or recently-deposed head coach Jacques Lemaire? If the trap begins & ends with Risebrough, he's an awful fit for HC Johnny A's system. But if the system came completely from Lemaire, well... that's a different story. It would be intruiging to see what John could bring to the table.

Bob Gainey: Gainey = Habs = Epic Mortal Fail, so thanks, but no thanks on this one.

Doug Wilson: This would be exciting. Douggie has a rep for building great regular season teams that don't quite get the job done come playoff time. With a group as young and hungry as the one here in Atlanta plus any key "hockey people" (i.e. scouts, management types) Doug might bring with him, it might be an explosive combination (In case you couldn't tell: yes, I am assuming Ole San Jose Doug gets the ax very shortly; what can I say? I'm a risk-taker).

And, of course, there's always...

Don Waddell

Hm. Wonder which one it'll be.

From The Grass Is Greener Dept:
Erik Christensen is averaging ~12min of ice time, and has 2 points to show for it. Jason Williams is averaging ~14min of ice time, and has 1 point to show for it. Oh, and his team just got swept out of the playoffs. Hm.

Hey. You with the "At least they were in the playoffs" crap. Shut it.

Useless Top 5 List:
It's back. With a vengance.

Top 5 Windows-Down, Ready For Summer Songs
5) Happy Day Mama - Better Than Ezra
4) D'yer Mak'er - Led Zeppelin
3) American Girl - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
2) Rosalita (Come Out Tonight) - Bruce Springsteen & the E-Street Band
1) September Gurls - Big Star

Bonus Hazy Summer Night Makeout Track: Girl From Ipanema by Getz/Gilberto/Gilberto narrowly edges Dusty Springfield's Son of a Preacher Man.

Yea, that'll all change by tomorrow.

Have a good weekend.

An Open Letter to the City of Columbus

Dear Columbus,

Saved you a seat.

Your friend,
Aaron @ blueland outsider

Thursday, April 23, 2009

An Open Letter to Brooks Orpik

Dear Brooks Orpik,

Dude, you're making it very hard for me to continue hating the Penguins.

Stop it. Stop it right now.

The reasons for hating the Pens are numerous and egregious.

Reason #1:

Okay, okay, you're right... that's too easy. I promise, I won't bring him up anymore...

But, c'mon, he's just such a.....

I know. I'll behave. Sorry.

Reason #2:

Tyler Freaking Kennedy

Seriously, he looks like one of the kids I routinely kick out of my store for playing obnoxiously loud (and incredibly awful) Metallica covers. And how can you really take seriously anyone who wears a shirt like this:

Mm-hm. Yup. Moving on.

Reason #3:

Matt Cooke

Why Matt? WHY MATT? Um, for starters:

Oh, and there's always:

And... well... I really didn't want to bring this up, but....

He eats babies.

I know, I know... a pretty shocking & heavy allegation, but see for yourself:

Matt Cooke, basting a baby.

Matt Cooke, upon being told eating a baby is a Game Misconduct.

I didn't think it'd come to that. I'm sorry you had to hear it this way, Brooks.

And really, there are so many other reasons why hating the Pens is just so gosh-darn easy. But for the sake of time I'm gonna skip to the only reason why I like the Pens:

That's right, baby... you.

I knew there was something special when I first saw The Shift.

And then, the Greatest. Shop. Ever.

C'mon, dude... it's freaking hilarious.

But what really locked me in was this past Sunday's game against the Flyers. You took that high stick to the face, and before anyone knew what was going on, you were back out on the bench, ready to go. As a matter of fact, you were so fast, no pictures survive of the alleged "event," so we present an artists rendering:

Note manly unnecessary stitches.

This brings me to my suggestion: you should pull a Geno, and defect to Atlanta. Srsly, it's like a whole other country down here, Pittsburgh wouldn't even know where to find you. Why are you looking at me like that? Here are some reasons why this is good idea:

1) Instant Fame
With that manly studliness that you posses, you would be a household name here in the footbawl-lovin' south. I can hear it now: "Wooo-eeee, boy! I cain't tell whut thay whus doin with that thar rubber thingy, but boyhowdy that Oar-pick shore can lay um out! I ain't never goin back to no footbawl game!"*

*ED NOTE: We here at the Outsider love the south, and do not wish to offend. We're merely using this horribly outdated stereotype for comedic effect. Thanks for your understanding. That shirt looks great on you, by the way.

2) Colby's Already Here.
He can save you a seat at lunch and a locker next to his. Oh, and I think he was looking for someone to double with him and Diane Lane.

3) I Will Buy You a Beer Whenever You Like
No kidding, all you have to do is call me up. Just give your phone to the bartender/waiter, and BAM. Free beer. Bud, Guinness, even the old Pottsville Pisswater. But watch those carbs, buddy...

4) Playing With Ilya Kovalchuk, King of Russia
See, people don't know it yet, but Kovy will go down as the greatest Russian leader since Czar Nicolas II. Not only is he a scoring machine, but he's also:


great at scoring Hawks' tickets, and..., ignore this one. I'm sure there's a very good and rational explanation. For a leather kilt...

Besides, would you rather play for a captain that fights like this...

...or like this?

Sorry, sorry, I said I wouldn't mention him... sorry.

Anyway, take some time to think it over. We don't need answer now, you've got important things to do. Just take some time, consider all the facts, make a rational decision. But I have a feeling.... round. Is on me.

Your friend,
Aaron @ blueland outsider

Good Job, B's.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Monday, April 20, 2009

I'm Back.

Took a little time off, took a drive, fell into a cave.

Was it just me, or did the Pens look completely flat yesterday? But there were a couple of Flyers penalties that looked a little suspect.

Anyway, when I get my footing, more open letters to hockey players unlikely to respond, most likely some more LoLs, and much more of.... whatever.

I gots ideas.